Funny Chess Archives - Chessentials https://chessentials.com/category/chess-articles/funny-chess/ Chess blog about chess tactics, chess games and chess books Sun, 12 Apr 2020 03:12:04 +0000 en-US hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=7.0 https://chessentials.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/12/cropped-vjeks2-2-1-32x32.png Funny Chess Archives - Chessentials https://chessentials.com/category/chess-articles/funny-chess/ 32 32 12 Types of Chess Players https://chessentials.com/12-types-of-chess-players/ https://chessentials.com/12-types-of-chess-players/#respond Sun, 12 Apr 2020 03:12:04 +0000 https://chessentials.com/?p=10114 12 Types of Chess Players? Way back in the past, I stumbled on a Quora question titled “What are 5 types of chess players?”. I read the answer by the user Charles Slade and thoroughly...

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]]> 12 Types of Chess Players?

Way back in the past, I stumbled on a Quora question titled “What are 5 types of chess players?”.

I read the answer by the user Charles Slade and thoroughly enjoyed it. I knew I would be unable to surpass it, but I wouldn’t be I if I didn’t at least try. As usual, I showed no respect for the format and came up with 7 types of chess players.

Fast forward to the future. Running out of the ideas for the blog, I decided to recycle a bunch of my Quora answers. Since the XYZ Types of Chess Players sounded like a cool article and I really liked Charles’ answer. So I decided to contact him and ask him whether he has anything against me posting it on the blog.

Fortunately, he said yes, so I decided to merge it with my own answer to produce the final result – a list of 12 types of chess players.

Hope you guys will enjoy it 🙂

Charles Slade’s Answer

Before I dive in: these are five kinds of chess players, but definitely not the five kinds of chess players. The taxonomy is much more extensive. And these categories are non-exclusive.

1. The Memorizer / Cyborg

“Memorizer” is a derogatory term. This person can bang out 30 moves of theory in every opening. Their 31st move will almost certainly be a stinker. They can’t really play chess, they just memorize.

A friend of mine (rated mid/high 2200) loves playing against these players. He’ll select a line in which the book goes all the way to, say, a “drawn” K+R vs. K+R endgame. He’ll then win that endgame.

I saw one particularly bitter memorizer sneer at him after a game: “Why did you keep playing after move 40? The endgame is drawn.” My friend gave one of the best retorts I’ve heard in a while: “The endgame isn’t drawn, it’s even.”

(Subtext: “You suck at endgames.”)

When a memorizer actually knows how to play chess a little (and their memorization goes very deep), they graduate to become a cyborg. They do what the computer says so often, they start to look like a computer themselves.

To be sure, “cyborg” is sometimes also used to describe someone who’s cheating via a computer. That’s not necessarily what I’m talking about here.

2. The rating whore.

This is pretty self-explanatory. This person doesn’t wake up thinking about how to get better at chess. They wake up thinking about how to get a higher rating. Maybe that means becoming better at chess, but that’s kind of secondary consideration.

These players will never want to play lower-rated players — because if they lose the game, they’ll lose a lot of points. They don’t want to play if their rating is too high, because
 they’ll lose a lot of points. If their rating crosses a threshold that’s important to them mid-tournament, they’ll actually withdraw from the tournament to “lock-in” that rating.

If they are beating a higher-rated player and the higher-rated player offers a draw, they’ll often accept. Better to get those rating points in hand.

Even outside tournament chess, you can sometimes spot these guys. You’re playing a casual game. Maybe you’re playing against them, maybe you’re playing against someone else and they’re watching. But if you reveal that you might at least know possibly something about chess, their first question will be: “what’s your rating?”

As in, “uh oh, I don’t know what to do with you. Am I supposed to arrogantly dismiss you? Or genuflect and kiss your ring? I can’t take this uncertainty!”

3. The guy who tries too hard to be original

This is a minority type, but this type is near and dear to my heart. This guy in your town is absolutely unique. But there’s one of these guys in every town.

This guy plays weird openings. Expect 1. g4, 2. a4, etc. He doesn’t follow conventional wisdom. In many cases, the reason is so that you’re “out of the book” and he has the advantage. He never realizes that the conventional wisdom is conventional for a reason: straying too far from the path just means you suck.

(By way of analogy, yes: a football defender will be confused if you’re a wide receiver who skips backward instead of runs forwards. That doesn’t mean you’ll be harder to defend though.)

4. The guy who can’t let it go. (Related: the guy who was always winning, until he lost.)

You play a 40 move game. He loses. No matter what the circumstances are, he’ll want to go back a few moves and analyze it. “All I had to do was play Nf5 instead of a3, and I’m winning.” No. No you’re not. You made a mistake on move 12 that lead to your position slowly collapsing. Going back to move 37 isn’t going to reveal your error.

Hilariously, if you indulge this person as much as they’d like, you eventually will get back to revisiting what he played on move 12. If he discovers a better move on move 12, he’ll confidently proclaim like he knew all along: “See? I was winning!”

Relatedly, this guy is annoying even when they’re watching. Two strong players play a tense and interesting game. One finally succumbs. This guy will pipe up, “Why didn’t you take the knight a few moves ago?” A fatal mistake is to indulge with an answer, otherwise, you’ll be lead down an infinitely-expanding labyrinth of inane suggestions.

My greatest contribution to chess has nothing to do with a clever opening variation or a strategic philosophy. My contribution is a response to this kind of guy. “Why didn’t you take the knight?” “I didn’t see it.” This is a great response, because it (a) ends the conversation, and (b) makes this guy feel good that he saw a move that you — the great player you are — didn’t. He won’t disturb that feeling by asking a follow-up.

5. Scaredy cat / White to trade and win

I don’t know why this person plays chess. Given his choice, he wouldn’t move a piece past the fourth rank. Ever. The order of the day is duck and cover.

A related person, though not always the same person, is the “white to trade and win” guy. Give this guy a pawn, and suddenly the only plan he can execute is to trade all the pieces. If you have any sense of dynamic play, these guys are fun to play. They’ll tie themselves in knots trying to trade pieces or hang on to their pawn, “sac sac mate” is always looming.

My Answer:

6. The “quick-drawer” guy

You arrive at the game.

You play the first 7 moves.

Suddenly you hear your opponent whispering.

You don’t hear him and are wondering what on Earth is happening.

He leans over, puts a sympathetic smile and says: “Young man, perhaps it is best if we drew?”

Over the last couple of years, I have often encountered “quick-drawers” here in Croatia. Their number rose together with my rating. I even had some draw offers in the middle of blitz tournaments.

Sometimes they even offer a draw before the game. Especially if it is a league match, where arranging 6-draws (3:3) result is common, in particular. They approach the table where you seat with your team and say with a big smile: “Now, boys, we don’t really want to play, do we?”

I really don’t get it why someone would do it. We chess amateurs play a little number of games per year. Why would you want to reduce it further by ending several of them prematurely?

If you don’t feel like playing the game, then why do you appear in a chess-playing hall in the first place?

I mean, are we here to shake hands or play chess?

7. The “overly-shy-beginner” guy

You know those novices who appear in the tournament hall for the first time and then stand as close to the wall as possible, as if they wish they had Harry Potter’s Cloak of Invisibility?

Who are moving their pieces slowly and uncertainly with a hand that is shaking tremendously?

Who have the look of utter confusion and shame when they press the wrong clock or write the wrong moves on their scoresheet?

Who get paired against someone rated around 2100-2200 and then state excitedly: “Oh my god, I am playing a Candidate Master!”?

Who almost lose their consciousness when a Grandmaster enters a hall because for them it is as if the gods themselves descended on this sorrow land?

Whose pure joy and excitement after a won game are contagious and a pleasure to watch for us more experienced players?

Because most of us were once like them.

8. The “overly-confident-beginner” guy

On the other side of the spectrum, we have beginners who have won a game or two on the Internet or beaten their dad or grandfather and now they think they are the champions of the world.

They call everyone “a patzer”, state that “chess is easy” and that “becoming a Grandmaster is nothing special since basically anyone can do it”.

They think other people should lose their consciousness because when they appear it is as if the gods themselves have descended on this sorrow land.

They are a good example of the DĂŒnning Kruger effect and are, in general, arrogant assholes people emigrate to avoid.

Not to mention that, despite their mediocre play, it is never their fault. They always have a perfect excuse ready.

Which brings me to the next type.

9. The “excuse” guy

So, you have just lost a game and you think it is because of your bad play?

Well, think again.

There is a high probability it might have something to do with the lighting.

Or the lack of fresh air in the hall.

Or the facts there were cameras disturbing you.

Or the fact “Russians” and “Jews” conspired against you.

Or the fact your cat kept meowing the previous night and you were unable to get some sleep.

Or the fact your teammate started coughing loudly just when your game has reached the critical moment.

Or the fact your opponent must have cheated. Definitely! 100%!

Whichever path you chose, the main thing to remember is: whenever you lose a game, it is never your fault and there is a plausible external reason for it.

P.S. In some cultures, this type of player is also known as Robert James Fischer

10. The “can’t-handle-the-nerves” guy

We all know that one guy. He has big talent, good knowledge of openings and superb calculations skills.

But he is never able to display them in a tournament game.

It is inexplicable. He crushes everybody over the Internet. He is a complete monster in training games.

But the moment someone tells him the game will be rated “for real”, he loses his ability to play.

This type of players can be easily recognized. They are often shaking even more than “shy-beginner-guy” and often go down the “quick-drawer” path simply because they have trouble handling the stress and fathoming the possibility that they might lose.

11. The “can’t-handle-the-loss” guy

Although few chess players handle the defeat graciously, some of them go over the top and behave outright rude and badly.

In my relatively short career, I have been insulted, cursed at, called “patzer” and recommended to “give up chess”. My opponents often refuse to give me their hand after their game, or even worse – angrily slam the pieces on the board and then leave, fuming with anger.

And that counts only over the board games. When you add all the comments I received (but also awarded, mind you) in Chesscube, Lichess and Chesscom chats, things get even worse.

There is no denying it is not easy to lose in chess. But behaving like a 5-year-old brat also should not be excusable.

P.S. In some cultures, this type of player is also known as Viktor Korchnoi.*

There is no denying Korchnoi was a great player, but he wasn’t the one to take his defeat graciously – especially in older days when his strength started declining

12. The nice guy

Finally, allow me to conclude this answer on a more optimistic note.

More often than not, you have the chance to play against someone and enjoy it from the very start until the very end.

There aren’t any dirty moves, bitter comments, badmouthing or anything of a sort. You two meet as two chess enthusiasts, enjoy the battle and congratulate yourselves on the fighting spirit and good moves displayed.

And if you are feeling particularly adventurous, you even analyze a game or two together and become friends.

Even if the nice guy is much stronger than you, he will never look down upon you just because you are not equal in strength. He knows it is much wiser to judge people on the basis of their character, their actions and their treatment of other people than on their chess strength.

Also, a nice guy will gladly take pictures with annoying fans and even raise his thumb up after the fans awkwardly do it themselves first.

P.S. In some cultures, this type of player is also known as Ian Nepomniachtchi.

Be like Nepomniachtchi.

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]]> https://chessentials.com/12-types-of-chess-players/feed/ 0 Weird Chess Openings https://chessentials.com/weird-chess-openings/ https://chessentials.com/weird-chess-openings/#comments Thu, 28 Mar 2019 18:38:17 +0000 https://chessentials.com/?p=9438 No, this is not a post about the London System. Some time ago, I stumbled on an entertaining question on Quora titled What are the coolest chess opening names. I wrote a short, but a...

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]]> No, this is not a post about the London System.

Some time ago, I stumbled on an entertaining question on Quora titled What are the coolest chess opening names.

I wrote a short, but a rather superficial answer. But I immediately realized it would be an interesting topic for an extended, more thorough and researched article.

It took me a while to actually sit down, do the research and write it. But I finally managed. Today, I am able to present you with the result of my work. An article devoted to weird chess openings – openings that have funny, cool, entertaining or just plain weird names.

The article is structured as a list. The name of the variation is followed up with the actual moves and some of my comments. I have tried to find the origin of the name whenever possible. Unfortunately for the reader, I was able to do so for only a small sample of openings considered. As for the rest, you will have to put up with my dubious writing style and pitiful humour attempts.

Hope you will enjoy the show.

LIST OF WEIRD CHESS OPENINGS

  • The Fried Liver (Fegatello) Attack

A variation of the Two Knights Defence including a Knight sacrifice on f7 first appeared in a game between two Italian Masters in 1610. Since the sacrifice leads to a position where the Black king has to endure an attack in the center, the variation later became known as The Fegatello or Fried Liver Attack.

The exact etymology is not known. In The Oxford Companion To Chess, David Hooper and Kenneth Whyld speculated that the name implies that the sacrifice of White’s knight is like a slice of liver used as bait in a trap 1 (in the Italian language, the word Fegatello is an idiom meaning “dead as a piece of liver”).

The opening moves of The Fried Liver Attack are:

  • Fried Fox / Pork Chop (Hammerschlag Opening)

In the 19th century, an English player Thomas Wilson Barnes used a provocative opening – 1 e4 f6!? to beat none other but the greatest player of the era – Paul Charles Morphy. His name has been connected to the advance of the f-pawn with both colors (including 1 f3).

Ever since, the opening theory has advanced and introduced the so-called Fried Fox / Pork Chop / Hammerschlag. I couldn’t find any origin for its name, but I have been able to find its moves:

  • The Toilet Variation

According to the urban legend, The Toilet Variation was invented by a Sicilian Grand Prix player during a visit to the “special place”.

Even without acknowledging the theory that our brain discovers brilliant ideas while we are relaxed, this story would be plausible.

Because the opening is – essentially – crap.

  • The Monkey’s Bum

In the 1970s, there was a certain wave of popularity for the Modern Defence. Grandmasters such as Raymond Keene and Jonathan Speelman (and later Yasser Seirawan) used to play it on a regular basis. 2

In the search for refutation, British International Master Nigel Povah started investigating a rapid assault on the f7 square. He devised a weird variation involving a sacrifice of the d4 pawn in return for the rapid development.

When he showed the variation to his friend Ken Coates, the latter declared: “If that works then I’m a monkey’s bum!” The name stuck ever since.

The opening moves of the Monkey’s Bum variation are:

 

If any reader contemplates about employing it against me, I would definitely urge him to do so. I think this is a highly critical test of the Black system. I am scared of it.

So scared.

Really, really scared.

  • Hyperaccelerated Pterodactyl

While we are at the Modern Defence – only chess players are capable of using the words “Hyperaccelerated” and “Pterodactyl” in a single sentence. The Hyperaccelerated Pterodactyl Variation refers to the set-up where Black plays 1
 g6, 2
.Bg7 and 3
c5:

It has to be noted that English Fide Master and trainer Charles Storey christened this set-up ‘The Sniper’ and devoted a whole book to it.

You have to admit – Hyperaccelerated Pterodactyl just sounds much cooler.

  • Beefeater Variation

We are still not done with the Modern defence. Even if White avoids playing the move e4, Black can stick to his set-up. A certain sub-variation of the Pterodactyl involves the counterintuitive exchange of the g7-bishop for a knight on c3, followed up by the advance of f5:

Although it is ugly looking, the variation is decent for Black. I have ventured it myself in some blitz games and I remember watching a video of Nakamura having trouble against it with the White pieces. 3

  • Lion’s Jaw

The Pirc, as The Modern Defence’s closest cousin, also has something to add to the discussion. A variation with the early f3 advance is called Lion’s Jaw:

I couldn’t find anything about the origin of the name. I assume the resemblance is purely visual – White players opens the Jaw and prepares to swallow everything Black has to offer.

Including the king.

  • Halloween Gambit

In the 19th century, German players in the Leipzig chess club used to play this variation of the 4 Knights Game. Due to its unsoundness, it was called “MĂŒller and Schulze” in German, which is the equivalent for “Tom, Dick and Harry” and is a derogatory and mocking substitute for the word“everybody”.

Almost 100 years later, a German chessplayer Steffen Jakob did a heavy analysis of the line and introduced an alternative name. According to him:

“Many players are shocked, the way they would be frightened by a Halloween mask when they are mentally prepared for a boring Four Knight’s, and then they are faced with Nxe5.”

As you might have guessed, the Halloween Attack is characterized by an early sacrifice of the knight on e5:

The main source is this great article by Tim Krabbe: A Breeze In The Sleepy 4-Knight’s Game

You can also check Steffen Jakob’s page about Halloween Attack on his website

  • The Sodium Attack

In chemistry, the symbol for Sodium is Na.

In chess, the notation for the knight going to the a-file is Na.

In the opening, there is only one square white knight can reach on the a-file:

  • Drunken Knight Opening

If 1 Na3 is The Sodium Attack, it would be reasonable to expect that the mirror move – 1 Nh3 – is, correspondingly, The Ammonium Attack.

Alas, nothing in chess is expected. For some reason, someone connected the movement of the knight to the h-file on the first move with a different chemical element.

The element whose formula is CH3-CH2-OH.

Ethanol. More commonly known as drinking alcohol.

Because 1 Nh3 is the so-called Drunken Knight Opening:

  • The Hillbilly Attack

According to the 1900 New York Journal, a hillbilly is:

A free and untrammeled white citizen of Tennessee, who lives in the hills, has no means to speak of, dresses as he can, talks as he pleases, drinks whiskey when he gets it, and fires off his revolver as the fancy takes him 4

If an opening were to bear this honorable name, it has to be unsophisticated, dumb and slightly offensive. All three aims are achieved by an early Bishop foray to c4 on the second move of the Caro-Kann:

In contrast to some other variations mentioned in this post, The Hillbilly Attack is relatively playable. World Champion himself – Magnus Carlsen – used it to beat Evgeny Tomashevsky in a blitz game in World Blitz Championship 2015.

5

For more information on the Hillbilly Attack, I highly recommend the following article by Ginger GM Simon Williams (who also made a whole video series devoted to this opening)

  • The Frankenstein-Dracula Variation

In his 1976 book on the Vienna Game, chess author Tim Harding analyzed a particularly sharp line. At one point, he remarked that the bloodthirstiness of the character of play was such that:

“[
] a game between Dracula and the Frankenstein Monster” would not seem out of place.”

Naturally, the variation later became known as The Frankenstein-Dracula Variation. It is characterized by the following moves:

  • The Orangutan (Polish / Sokolsky) Opening

One of the more famous openings on this list, often faced by an average club player:

The opening was initially named after the Soviet Master Alexey Sokolsky, who was the first to analyze the opening seriously and wrote a book in Russian about it (Debyut 1b2-b4, 1963).

The story regarding two other names is more amusing, though.

In the 4th round of the New York 1924 chess tournament, Savielly Tartakower was paired against Geza Maroczy.

A day before the game the players visited the nearby zoo. Tartakower allegedly asked an Orangutan called Suzanna which first move to play. Suzanna supposedly urged him to go 1 b4.

Hence the name. The opening is also called Polish in Tartakower’s honour (since he was a Pole).

  • The Flick-Knife Attack

Probably the most serious opening on this list. The Flick-Knife Attack is a very sharp and strong response to the Modern Benoni:

The variation was initially analyzed by Mark Taimanov, who concluded that 8 Bb5+ check is especially dangerous for Black. In the 1980s, Garry Kasparov picked up the baton and brought the Modern Benoni to the brink of extinction.

The term “Flick-Knife” was coined by David Norwood in his 1994 book on The Modern Benoni. The set-up visually reminded the author of the cold-weapon. And the name stuck to this day.

  • Nescafe Frappe Attack

The story behind the name of the opening is fascinating.

First of all, we need to know what a coffee house player is. According to Wikipedia:

An adjective used to describe a move, player, or style of play characterized by risky, positionally dubious play that sets traps for the opponent. The name comes from the notion that one would expect to see such play in skittles, games played in a coffeehouse or similar setting, particularly in games played for stakes or blitz chess.

Now, what does it have to do with anything? Well, back in 1987, there was a certain game between Collins and Tebb, won by Black after a speculative sacrifice. Informally, the winner was nicknamed as the ‘King of Coffee House’.

Later next year, a Cambridge student and a future FIDE Master, Graham Burgess, faced Tebb with the White pieces and ‘decaffeinated’ the King of Coffee House with the help of the afore-mentioned Gambit.

This win inspired him so much, that he went on to write a whole book about the system.

In the book, he also has to say something about the name of the opening:

This line as yet has no official name (except ‘Zaitsev line with 8 Bc4’); it is generally referred to as simply ‘The Hack Line’, or for reasons which are rather obscure, the The NescafĂ© FrappĂ© Attack or NFA for short.

The Nescafe Frappe Attack is characterized by the following moves:

  • The Crab Opening

Dragon and Pterodactyl are not the only animals chess players have introduced in the nomenclature. There are many others. For example, the advance of the a and h pawns on the first two moves is commonly knowns as The Crab Opening:

If White’s set-up doesn’t remind you of Crab, I don’t know what to say. Perhaps I would advise you not to play Associations game

  • Double Duck Formation

While we are at openings that include the advance of the pair of pawns you would normally never consider to advance – I present you a line of the Bird’s opening: Double Duck Formation.

  • Aged Gibbon Gambit

Last but not least when it comes to “animal” openings The Aged Gibbon is a variation of the Old Indian Defense including an early advance of the g-pawn:

How it got its name is beyond me. If I had to guess 6, I would probably assume only Gibbons are capable of advancing the g-pawn so early. And this particular one forgot to do so on move 2 due to his age, so decided to do it on move 3 instead.

You heard it here first.

  • Creepy Crawly Formation

This opening is a close cousin of the Crab Opening, as it also includes the advance of the a and h pawns.

However, this line is more sophisticated. White tries to “lure” his opponent into overextending himself:

It probably got its name because White tries to crawl creepily. Although, I would say it is – on the whole – much more Creepy than Crawly.

  • The Bongcloud

This “joke” opening involving an early king move has captured the hearts of chess aficionados, especially once the Internet appeared. It also got a lot of recognition after self-renowned Bongcloud Master (BM) Andrew Fabbro published a free-ebook Winning With The Bongcloud 7

There is something romantic in the early king foray. The Bongcloud is a must for any player striving to become a pretentious asshole – there is no better way of disrespecting your opponent.

  • The Apocalypse Attack

If the apocalypse is a scenario where one man fights for survival against his own, a chess equivalent would be a single piece trying to take down the entire opposing army.

In a certain variation of the Caro-Kann Exchange Variation, it is precisely what White tries to achieve:

Even though moving the knight for the second time violates the basic opening principle, this opening is actually quite playable. 8

  • Vulture Defence

White is not the only one who can make aggressive knight leaps early in the opening. In a variation of the Modern Benoni, Black can violate the same opening principles and jump to e4 as early as on move 3:

Although I like the Apocalypse reference more, comparing the knight to a vulture who prepares to scavenge the remains is also a viable approach.

  • Reagan’s Attack

The opening move 1 h4 was named after a French player Marcel Desprez and is known as Desprez Opening. However, like many other rare openings, it has some alternate names, such as Kadas Opening, Anti-Borg Opening or Samurai Opening.

However, the name I like the most is Reagan’s Attack. According to Eric Schillers’ Unorthodox Chess Openings, it is a joke on Reagan’s Behalf, since 1 h4 is “thoroughly unmotivated and creates weaknesses with only vague promises of future potential”.

  • Wulumulu Opening

A subvariation of the Desprez Opening, including the moves 1
 e5 and 2 d4:

I couldn’t find how the name of the variation came to be. My guess would be that silly openings require silly names.

  • Napoleon Attack

I bet you have all heard about certain Frenchman called Napoleon Bonaparte. 9 Apart from being a general, in his free time he was also a very passionate (albeit a mediocre) chess player. 10

According to some sources, he used the variation with an early queen development against chess automaton the Turk. An alternative explanation might refer to his wife Josephine’s infidelities. Mean tongues would say he was unable to keep his Queen at home.

  • Prickly Pawn Pass System

Prickly Pawn Pass System is a variation of the Botvinnik System in the English opening in which Black advances his pawn to a6:

The etymology of the name is not clear. But in contrast to other variations considered in this article, this one is quite ordinary and healthy (the plan of advancing b5 pawn is logical).

  • Campomanes Attack

Last but not least – an opening named after the 5th president of FIDE Florencio Campomanes, most famous for his involvement in the controversial 1978 Karpov – Korchnoi match and his termination of the 1984 Karpov – Kasparov match.

The name refers to a variation including an atypical 3rd knight move in the main line of Caro Kann:

I am not 100% sure why this variation bears his name. I found a game which he played against none other than Mikhail Tal in 1960 Olympiad where he employed it. But I find it hard to believe he was its first (or most fervent) supporter.

I assume it is easier to have a variation named after you if you are a FIDE president.

In any case, one question remains open.

If my opponent employs it and we play a long game, should I play it until the end? Or offer him to end the game without a winner and play a new, shorter one, instead?

Boy, the opening theory is indeed sometimes confusing.

SOURCES, REFERENCES AND FURTHER READING

Quora: What Are The Coolest Chess Opening Names

Chesscom: The Weirdest Chess Openings

Chess.Stackexchange: Frankenstein-Dracula Variation and Other Variations With Funny Names

Chesscom: Funniest Or Weirdest Opening Name

Chesscom: Coolest Most Awesome Chess Opening Names

Chesscom: The Weirdest Chess Openings

Kingscrusher: The Top 40 Funniest Named Chess Openings

Webcitation: List Of Chess Openings And Their Names

Angelfire: Sokolsky

Chesscom: Sokolsky/Polish Opening

Tim Krabbe: A Breeze in the Sleepy 4-Knight’s Game

Kenilworth Chess Club: The Apocalypse Attack

Chessmastery: Bongcloud (free pdf)

Cleanchess: Desprez Opening

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]]> https://chessentials.com/weird-chess-openings/feed/ 1 7 types of blitz chess online players https://chessentials.com/blitz-chess-online-players/ https://chessentials.com/blitz-chess-online-players/#respond Thu, 02 Nov 2017 15:15:07 +0000 https://chessentials.com/?p=2658 Blitz chess online The 21st century can truly be regarded as the golden era for all the connoisseurs of the chess game. I have already written about huge positive impact Internet has had on our ancient game.  This...

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]]> Blitz chess online

The 21st century can truly be regarded as the golden era for all the connoisseurs of the chess game.

I have already written about huge positive impact Internet has had on our ancient game.  This impact is especially significant in the domain of the blitz chess.

Considering that the tempo of life is faster than ever before, most people don’t have time to play long chess games on a regular basis. Therefore, shorter time controls are slowly starting to dominate and not only on an amateur level; there are more blitz tournaments on a professional level than ever before.

The Internet is very important in that regard. Nowadays, it takes less time and effort to play a blitz game than ever before. With a decent personal computer and internet connection, it takes only a couple of clicks and you can play against anyone in the world.

Unfortunately, nothing comes without the price. The Internet has managed to bring the worst out of people. This should be familiar to anyone who has ever played a multiplayer computer game, visited an online forum or spent hours of his life in the youtube comment section.

However, the troll mentality is apparent in blitz chess arena as well. And it is not only the consequence of anonymity (although it certainly plays a role). Merely the fact that you don’t see your opponent lowers the bar of acceptable behaviour. Previously, if you wanted to insult someone, you had to do it face to face. Today, three strokes on the keyboard are enough and you rarely have to fear the outcome.

 

Slikovni rezultat za internet troll

Therefore, I have decided to write the following post, in honour of different types of blitz chess online players I have faced during my playing career. The list might seem too pessimistic to some; I have tried to amend myself with the last point which will hopefully serve as a light at the end of a tunnel.

Hope you will enjoy it. Let us start with the most obvious type of the player – the “I will only play one game” prick.

1. The “No Rematch” guy

We all know that feeling. You sit down, start a new game, get the Black pieces, screw something up in the opening, resign after 1 minute of play and 15 moves and then ask for a rematch.

After all, you are a slow starter, you haven’t even played a normal game, your opponent hasn’t lost that much time and there is no way he has to go already since the game has barely started before it was over.

Then, suddenly, after sending a rematch request, a crude reality in form of “xy has declined your rematch proposal” sobers you up. It may be just me, but I find it quite irritating; are we here to play some chess or to collect virtual rating points?

In my experience, this behaviour is typical for someone much stronger than yourself. As if they are saying: “You are not worthy of my time”.  Like they have never screwed anything during the opening phase of the game.

I think that not giving the opportunity to play with colours reversed is slightly rude, especially if the winning side has the White pieces in the first game.

Slikovni rezultat za kramnik kasparov

Vladimir Kramnik knows a thing or two about not giving a rematch :evil laughter:

2. The “OMG You Are So Lucky” guy

There is nothing more frustrating than claiming a big advantage early in the blitz game and then ending the game in one of the two following ways:

  • Not being to able to finish your opponent as quickly as possible and losing on time
  • Getting swindled by your opponent and ruining a winning position

Quite often, instead of blaming ourselves for stupid mistakes we made, our first impulse is to blame the opponent. The “OMG You Are So Lucky” comment is often inevitable.

I think that anyone who plays blitz chess online on a regular basis has taken the role of “OMG You Are So Lucky” guy at least once.

I know I certainly have. Not that I am terribly proud of it, though. Because everyone who has played DOTA at least once in his life knows that luck is no excuse.

Slikovni rezultat za luck is no excuse

In any case, swindles and time losses are a natural part of the game. I often find it ridiculous when after mutual time trouble people lament that they have lost on time. Time management in blitz is almost as important as the position you have in front of you.

Therefore, don’t hate the player. Hate the game.

3. The “Woody Wood Pusher” guy

I find myself mildly annoyed when playing against someone who plays 15 minutes in 3 seconds. Usually, such players are only fast and concern themselves primarily with quantity, and not by the quality of their moves.

When you are playing the “Woody Wood Pusher” guy, it is hard to avoid taking the “OMG You Are So Lucky ” guy role. These guys are often tactically very tricky and alert and often punish your sub-optimal moves. Thus, they either swindle you, or you lose on time against them, which triggers your rage button.

The main difficulty in facing the “Woody Wood Pusher” is a psychological one. You have to be calm enough and be patient in converting your advantage; while moving quickly enough in order not to jeopardize your clock situation. As you lose games against them, this task gets progressively harder; your emotions start to take over.

You might say that I am lamenting with justification. After all, I have just stated above that time is one of the assets in blitz chess online. Doesn’t complaining against it suddenly make me a huge hypocrite?

Well, there might be some truth to it. But ignoring the position when your opponent has 10 seconds on the clock is one thing; playing purely for the time from the start is another thing. I mean, we are talking about blitz chess online, I am of opinion that movement of the pieces should be the most important thing up to a certain point of the game.

Slikovni rezultat za woody woodpecker

4. The “You are cheating” guy

Apart from “OMG You Are So Lucky” guy, another common way of dealing with the losses is accusing your opponent that he is cheating.

It has happened to me many times. Here and there I manage to play a decent game and see some nice tactics and unfortunately, I hear “you cheating prick” much more often than “congratulations”. It is not particularly pleasant.

Naturally, I am also guilty as charged for belonging to this category. But one has to be very careful with similar accusations. It has happened to me that I have accused someone of cheating immediately after the game, only to find out during post-mortem analysis that his play wasn’t as strong as I initially thought.

That the reason for my loss was me playing like crap.

In any case, the point of such allegations is non-existent. Even if someone is using computer assistance, writing it in chat accomplishes nothing.

I have never met someone who answered my “You are cheating” accusations with the humbling: “You are right, my bad.”

Slikovni rezultat za you cheater chess

5. The “Engine” guy

All right, there are instances where you accuse someone when even you are not completely convinced that he is using computer assistance; you act out of inertia and such a behaviour is not justified.

However, sometimes engine users are way too obvious to be ignored. The most obvious signs that something is ‘fishy’ with the account are the following:

  • Anonymous account
  • Registration in a far away country (Brunei, Antigua and Barbuda or something like that; it is a reality; there are zero racist intentions here)
  • Low rating in bullet/tactical exercise
  • Strange openings employed

And three most important ones:

  • You have zero chance. I have played Grandmasters and strong players; over the course of 10 games I manage to draw or win at least one; they are human and they make mistakes. Engine user crushes you mercilessly without giving you any chances whatsoever.
  • 3-second delay on moves. The most obvious sign. Most engine users have this delay. They have to play the moves on the computer board and then replicate them online, which takes time. They even do that for most obvious recaptures or moves when they king is in check; therefore this is the most reliable method of detecting that you are not playing against a human.
  • Play terrible when low on time. Consequence of the previous note. If you manage to survive long enough, you might succeed in flagging them. Most often they don’t know chess basics, like executing a queen checkmate.

In any case, I don’t advise adhering to the “If you can’t beat them, join them” rule.

“If you can’t beat them, then avoid them” is to be prefered here.

Slikovni rezultat za ivanov borislav arrested

Borislav Ivanov knows a thing or two about cheating

6. The “Too Weak Too Slow” guy

Over the years, I have tried different ways of dealing with the frustrations caused by blitz online chess and can proudly say that I have finally discovered a winning formula.

Being the  “Too Weak Too Slow” guy.

There is nothing more satisfying then provoking a pissed opponent even further with a timely “Too Weak Too Slow” comment.

It is especially powerful when you face a player who simply refuses to resign, but waits for the time to run out. In turn, I love to reach the position where I am mating next move. In such a situation, waiting for the moment when you have only 1 second remaining on the clock, and delivering checkmate followed by a “Too Weak Too Slow” comment does wonders.

If you wish to employ the comment, but don’t yet know how you can learn the method by observing its inventor in action.

The World Champion Magnus Carlsen.

7. The “Nice” guy

Finally, let us conclude this article on a more optimistic note. More often than not, you have the chance to play against someone and enjoy it from the very start until the very end.

There aren’t any dirty moves, bitter comments, badmouthing or anything of a sort. You two meet as two chess enthusiasts, enjoy the battle and congratulate yourselves on the fighting spirit and good moves displayed.

And if you are feeling particularly adventurous, you even analyse a game or two together and become internet friends.

And it is the way it should be, really!

Be a Nice Guy.

Slikovni rezultat za nice guy

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]]> https://chessentials.com/blitz-chess-online-players/feed/ 0 Funny chess stories https://chessentials.com/chess-stories/ https://chessentials.com/chess-stories/#comments Fri, 09 Jun 2017 16:24:45 +0000 https://chessentials.com/?p=2243 Funny chess stories? Since I have started answering chess related questions on Quora, I have tried covering a broad variety of chess topics. So far, my most upvoted answers have included some chess anecdotes from my own...

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]]> Funny chess stories?

Since I have started answering chess related questions on Quora, I have tried covering a broad variety of chess topics.

So far, my most upvoted answers have included some chess anecdotes from my own tournament experience.

That’s how I got the idea to write this post. During the last couple of years, I have heard and read a lot of chess stories that put a big laugh on my face.

I’ve decided that putting the most remarkable ones in one place might make a lot of sense.

I know you are probably wondering how can anyone use the words funny and chess in the same sentence.

But people have wondered the same about my own jokes and I am sure you all find them hilarious.

Aren’t you guys?

..

Guys?

anand07-giri
And that’s when I told them… I have a funny story about chess

Have you heard it before?

I would like to start with a chess story I can easily relate to. It will become much more clear why after you read it.

“German grandmaster Wolfgang Unzicker loved to tell jokes, even at the most inappropriate occasions. He would often start telling one immediately after a chess game, while he and his opponent were still signing the scoresheet.

Once he tried doing that after a game against Vasja Pirc. He started with the customary: ‘Excuse me, grandmaster, but did I ever tell you this joke..’

‘Is it good?’ – asked Pirc.

‘ Oh, excellent.’- replied Unzicker.

‘Then it means you haven’t told it to me.’ “

Source: Ơah : Igra Miliona, Dragoslav Andrić (Chess: The Game of the Millions)

A chess master

Wolfgang Unzicker wasn’t the only grandmaster with a developed sense of humour.

The fourth World Champion Alexander Alekhine also made some brilliant jokes throughout his life.

Once he found himself on the same banquet together with his big rival Efim Bogoljubow. Bogoljubow started trash talking Alekhine; the latter replied with the following joke:

“I have dreamt that I have died and arrived at the gates of heaven. Saint Peter approached me and asked me what have I done during my days on Earth.

‘I was a chess master and the Champion of the World.’

‘Chess master? I am sorry, we don’t accept chess masters in heaven.’

‘What do you mean. Here, there is Bogoljubow lying on this cloud.’

‘Bogoljubow? Oh, he is not a chess master. He only thinks he is one.’

Slikovni rezultat za alexander alekhine laughing
Never mess with Alexander the Great.

Source: Ơah : Igra Miliona, Dragoslav Andrić (Chess: The Game of the Millions)

Time is relative

“Long before the days of Fischer, main contenders for the USA crown were Samuel Reshevsky, and less famous player, James T. Sherwin.

During the USA Championship Sherwin was in excellent form and won all his games up to a certain point. Reshevsky was in a serious danger of falling behind since he settled for two draws in the early rounds.

At that moment, he addressed Sherwin with the following words:

‘I see you are playing well. If you continue to do so, I will have to beat you.’

‘Oh, and what if I beat you?’

‘That can happen in a thousand years’

Naturally, in the last round, Sherwin beat Reshevsky in their individual encounter.

When they were signing the scoresheets, he merely remarked:

‘ You know, grandmaster, time flies really fast..’ ”

Slikovni rezultat za sherwin chess

Source: Ơah : Igra Miliona, Dragoslav Andrić (Chess: The Game of the Millions)

Happy anniversary

The next one is probably my favourite one, as it describes  typical shortcomings of a chess player 😀

“I remember once I was in Switzerland and my wife told me, ‘I put some  of your stuff in the safe – the code is very easy to remember, it’s  2706, so you can take whatever you need.’

And I told her, ‘Well, 2706 is not really a good Elo rating. Normally it’s rounded off to the nearest 5  or 10’. So I told her I couldn’t see how I could remember that. She looked a bit shocked and then she explained to me that the 27th of June is our anniversary. “

Slikovni rezultat za anand wife
Happy anniversary 😀

Source: Viswanathan Anand Chessgames.com page

The threat is stronger than the execution

Emmanuel Lasker and Aron Nimzowitsch were playing a game and Lasker had agreed not to smoke his cigars during the game because the latter was allergic to smoke.

About six or seven moves into the game, Lasker pulls out his cigar, bites off the end and puts it in his mouth. Nimzo  immediately jumps up and tells the arbiter “Look, he is smoking!”

The arbiter  says,”No, it is not lit,” to which Nimzo replies,”Ah, but he is threatening  to smoke and everybody knows that the threat is stronger than the execution.”

(“The threat is stronger than the execution” is a famous quote from Nimzowitsch’s very famous book, My System.).

Source: Exeter Chess Club

Slikovni rezultat za nimzowitsch

You don’t know me

After Alekhine had taken the championship title from Capablanca, Capa spent quite a bit of his spare time hanging out in a specific cafe in Paris.

Friends, acquaintances, and others would often drop by, participating in games and libations with the former, charismatic, champion. One day, while Capa was having coffee and reading a newspaper, a stranger stopped at his table, motioned at the chess set and indicated he would like to play if Capa was interested. Capa’s face lit up, he folded the newspaper away, reached for the board and proceeded to pocket his own queen. The opponent (who apparently had no idea who Capablanca was) reacted with slight anger. “Hey! You don’t know me! I might beat you!”, he said.

Capa’s face lit up, he folded the newspaper away, reached for the board and proceeded to pocket his own queen. The opponent (who apparently had no idea who Capablanca was) reacted with slight anger. “Hey! You don’t know me! I might beat you!”, he said.

Capablanca, smiling gently, said quietly, “Sir if you could beat me, I would know you.”

Slikovni rezultat za capablanca

Source: Exeter Chess Club

An interesting book

The next one should probably not be described as “funny” since it is controversial to an extent.

However, considering that Robert James Fischer has always behaved like a big baby, we can’t really be mad at him, can we?

” During the Interzonal tournament on Mallorca, Fischer, with  burning eyes, informed Reshevsky, that he was reading a ‘very interesting book’.

‘What is it?’ – Sammy asked innocently.

‘Mein Kampf!’ Bobby replied…

(Samuel Reshevsky was born in the Polish village of Ozorkov into an orthodox Jewish family.)

Slikovni rezultat za fischer reshevsky
According to Kasparov, Fischer’s relationship with Reshevsky got better once he stopped considering him as a serious competitor

Source: Garry Kasparov, My Great Predecessors, Part IV

Who do you think you are?

The next one is taken from a chessbase interview with Vishy Anand.

 “What’s the most interesting conversation you’ve had during a tournament or while travelling?”

“The best would have to be one involving a co-passenger on a train in 1991. He asked me where I was working. I replied I played chess. He said, ‘that is ok, but what do you do?’ I again said I played chess. He got testy and asked, “Do you think you are Viswanathan Anand to play chess?”

To conclude this article on a self-advertising note, I would like to copy paste the Quora answers mentioned in the introduction, that served as an inspiration for this post.

Hope you will enjoy them 🙂

Nemec vs Zečević

In Croatia, there is a player who has become kind of a legend in Croatian chess circles.

His name is Dean Zečević and he can be seen on the right side of the picture below.

Mr. Zečević is actually a very strong player. Some 10–15 years ago, his peak rating revolved somewhere around 2450 Elo rating points.

The first peculiar fact is his chess title. He has never gained any official FIDE titles and he still only has a Croatian Candidate Master title.

Word of the mouth says that he has never wanted a FIDE title in the first place because he wanted to be the strongest Candidate Master in the world.

I guess he probably really was at the time 😀

Nowadays, however, both his playing strength and his rating have declined. Partly this is due to age, but I think that the fact that he has started drinking before the games has even greater impact.

This is where I finally arrive at the answer to the question above. Last time I have played with Mr. Zečević, he arrived pretty drunk to the game.

So drunk, that during the later stages of the game, when he had some 20 minutes left on the clock, he actually fell asleep on the chair.

To be honest, I hadn’t noticed it until he started snoring.

I was quite shocked and didn’t know how to behave. Fortunately, there were some colleagues who maintained their presence of mind and they went on to wake him up, with the very tactful words:

“Zec, for the love of god, wake up. Your time is running out!”

Needless to say, I lost that game.

Nemec vs Atif

Considering that many chess players have peculiar personalities, it is not uncommon to hear harsher word exchanges, even trash talk and insults.

For instance, I vividly remember my game against International Master Dumpor Atif.

It was a blitz game in the last round of the team championship of the Croatian Chess Cup 2014.

The game was very significant; it was the last game of the match, the score was standing at 1.5–1.5 and the winner of the game would win the match, the third place in the championship and the monetary prize.

I managed to capture an exchange early in the opening and was completely winning. However, I screwed something up and landed in a lost position. However, I refused to resign and continued to resist out of pure inertia.

My opponent seemed rather annoyed with my stubbornness. However, he didn’t make any mistakes and continued to convert his advantage.

When the win was near, he made one particular move in a very determined fashion, looked me in the eye, and shouted:

“Oh, come on
 you are still fighting?”

There was quite a number of spectators, and they all burst into laughter.

A couple of moves later, I resigned.

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]]> https://chessentials.com/chess-stories/feed/ 3 Funny chess problems https://chessentials.com/funny-chess-problems/ https://chessentials.com/funny-chess-problems/#respond Mon, 29 May 2017 16:51:41 +0000 https://chessentials.com/?p=1827 Funny chess problems? One of the greatest young chess talents in the World, 12-year-old International Master Nihal Sarin recently visited the quarters of the Chessbase in Hamburg, Germany. In the article report following that visit, there...

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]]> Funny chess problems?

One of the greatest young chess talents in the World, 12-year-old International Master Nihal Sarin recently visited the quarters of the Chessbase in Hamburg, Germany.

Slikovni rezultat za nihal sarin
Nihal Sarin in the days when he was young…ERM …youngER?

In the article report following that visit, there was a number of funny chess problems whose solutions really made me smirk more than once.

And I immediately reminisced the similar delightful problems I’ve stumbled upon in the ancient chess book by Yugoslav Master Dragoslav Andrić : Ć ah – Igra Miliona (eng. Chess – The game of the millions).

I know that people don’t usually associate the word “funny” with the word “chess problem”.

However, I hope that this article will change your opinion. And that at least one of the problems will make you laugh.

 In contrast to the most of the jokes on this blog.

Igra_miliona

The definition of the promotion rule

I would like to start with the summary of the set of problems given by the Nihal Sarin from the aforementioned article.

The problems revolved around the correct definition of the promotion rule. 

The most common definition, also used by the author of these lines (cf. Basic chess rules) typically goes along the following lines:

“When the pawn reaches the last rank, a player can promote it to a piece of his choice.”

Nihal effectively refuted this definition with the following puzzle:

It is White to play and mate in three.

The only move that satisfies this condition is the surprising underpromotion… to a king:

1 d8K!!

The Black King is caught in a web of Kings. Wherever he goes, he gets caught by the rook

1… Ke6 2 Rf1 Kd6 

White completes the checkmate with 3 Rf6. It is obvious that running to the c-file on the first move makes no difference (1… Kc6 2 Rb1!).

This little puzzle has pointed out a massive oversight in the initial definition. We can correct it here:

“When the pawn reaches the last rank, a player can promote it to a piece of his choice, except for a king.”

This definition is complete enough and shouldn’t lead to any confusion right?

Time for another problem:

Once again it is White to play and mate in three.

At first sight, the solution seems kinda obvious. White plays 1 f8Q with the idea of 2 Kh7 and 3 Qxh6 with checkmate.

However, 1 f8Q g2 2 Kh7 g3 and White probably even loses.

The move 1f8N!? is the next move that comes to mind. The idea is 2 Nh7 and 3 Nf6.

However, a cold shower once again awaits White, because 1f8N Bf1 2 Nh7 Rh2 and the king escapes.

However, White has the ingenious:

1 f8?

White leaves the pawn unpromoted for the moment. He is intending to promote the pawn on the next move after Black has made his move.

Thus on 1… Bf1 he chooses the queen and plays 2 Kh7

And on 1… g2 he chooses the knight and plays 2 Nh7

The reader might argue that this was cheating, but if we consider the formulation of the promotion rule, it technically wasn’t.

Therefore:

“When the pawn reaches the last rank, a player can promote it  on the same move to a piece of his choice, except for a king”

If you think this settles everything, you’re in for another surprise.

Let’s take a look at the final diagram of this section:

White to play and mate in two moves.

After realising that tries such as  1 Qd5 or 2 Kd5 fail in the task, you hopefully went for the

1 Qb8+! Rxb8 2 axb8R (Black)

Pretty cheeky right 😀

Finally, after these three steps, we’ve arrived at the correct definition of the promotion rule. The formulation here is taken from the FIDE handbook (it seems that FIDE officials sometimes know what they are doing):

“3.7 e: When a player, having the move, plays a pawn to the rank furthest from its starting position, he must exchange that pawn as part of the same move for a new queen, rook, bishop or knight of the same colour on the intended square of arrival.”

To conclude this section, there is another funny little problem:

White to play and mate in one.

I will not post the solution to this one, but I hope that finding it won’t present a real difficulty when Nihal’s problems are still fresh in your head.

If you wish, you can post your solution in the comment section below 🙂

Charles the XII against the Turks

Way back in 1671, king Charles the XII was playing chess against his general Grothauzern while waiting for the news about the battle his army fought against the Turks on the nearby battlefield.

In the game, the following position has been reached:

Here, White can announce mate in three moves.

1 Rxg3! Bxg3 2 Nf3 Bplays 3 g4 

However, before Charles played his move, the Turks shot a cannonball which flies over the board and takes the White Knight with it.

(I guess it must have been a really small cannonball… or a rather big chessboard).

Therefore, now the position is following:

After some thought, Charles announces mate in four moves:

1 hxg3 Be3 2 Rg4 Bg5 3 Rh4+! Bxh4 4g4

However, even before he could take the h-pawn and execute the combination, another cannonball arrives and takes the very h-pawn off the board as well.

Charles, not losing his composure, finds a mate in five moves and even manages to perform it:

1 Rb7 Bg1 (preparing an answer against Rh1) 2 Rb1 Bh2 3 Re1 Kh4 4 Kg6 Bg1 5 Re4 

However, this is not the end of the story. According to the legend, the general, pretty angry at the moment, said that Charles was lucky because the first Turkish cannonball hit the Knight and not the rook.

“In that case, I would have mated you in six moves”, said Charles calmly.

 1 Nf3 Be1 (on any other reply Black gets mated faster) 2 Nxe1 Kh4 3 h3 Kh5 4 Kf6 Kh4 5 Kg6 h5 6 Nf3 mate

The problem in four acts

Now, let’s take a look at another very entertaining problem, consisting of four acts.

ACT ONE

The problem is as follows: White has to return his last move and then play another move that delivers the checkmate instead.

In the diagram position, the task is not that hard. White’s last move was c4. He returns the pawn to c2, and plays 1 d5 with checkmate

ACT TWO

If we move the previous position one rank up the board, we get the following position:

The task remains the same; White returns a move and than delivers checkmate with another move.

At first sight, this seems slightly problematic, since the c-pawn is unable to go back two squares and the Black bishop is attacking our rook.

However, there is no reason not to assume that White has captured the Black pawn on c5 on the last move:

Here, White mates in one by taking the c-pawn en passant (if you are not sure what en passant is, we refer you once again to this article).

1 dxc6 mate

ACT THREE

The third act of the drama continues with another translation of the position up the board:

With the pawn on c6 there is no checkmate now, since there is no en passant.

However, we can assume that White took en passant on c5 with his b-pawn on the last move:

Naturally, White changes his mind this time and plays 1 d7 with mate instead.

ACT FOUR

The final act of this beautiful problem arises after another translation up the board:

Here, the solution is more simple, since there is no en passant involved at all.

White simply returns the pawn on c6, and mates with underpromotion:

1 c8N mate.

Mate in zero

This is an easy one. Find a mate in zero moves.

Yes, you read that right. Zero moves.

Mate in one

Another easy one. Find a mate in one.

Solution at the end of the article.

Mate in none

Another funny one. White to play and not give a mate.

Try finding the solution as fast as possible.

Solution at the end of the article.

A rook odds?

I would like to conclude this article with a problem that made me laugh so hard that my coworkers thought I am completely mad.

Like they have never seen someone examining strange chess problems during their shift.

White to play and win.

To solve this one, a certain dose of creativity is required. The only way for White to win the game is to pretend that he has given a rook odds at the beginning.

That means he still has the right to castle long; he plays 1 0-0-0 and wins.

I don’t know who invented this, but I imagine he had tons of free time at work (oh the irony).

Because “An idle mind is the devil’s playground”.

Solutions:

Mate in zero

White’s bishop couldn’t have reached the a8 square with the pawns on e2 and g2. Therefore it is “obvious” that the board is reversed, and that Black king finds itself on the square f5, and is mated by the e4 pawn:

Mate in one

All 29 legal moves by White checkmate 😀

Mate in none

 1 Rg6-Rc6 of course, blocking the bishop on a8 and allowing the rook capture of the bishop on h7

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]]> https://chessentials.com/funny-chess-problems/feed/ 0 Best chess quotes https://chessentials.com/best-chess-quotes/ https://chessentials.com/best-chess-quotes/#respond Tue, 18 Apr 2017 12:52:07 +0000 https://chessentials.com/?p=1726 If you ever played chess, chances are you have probably heard the famous quote by Francois Andre Philidor: “ The pawns are the soul of chess.” Gems such as this represent a priceless part of the rich chess...

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]]> If you ever played chess, chances are you have probably heard the famous quote by Francois Andre Philidor: “ The pawns are the soul of chess.”

Gems such as this represent a priceless part of the rich chess heritage. Numerous chess players, World Champions and famous persons have talked and written about chess and uttered some immortal phrases in the process.

Therefore, I’ve decided to make a list of most interesting and entertaining chess quotes. And to ruin as many of them as possible with my own thoughts and commentary in the process.

I hope you will enjoy it.

The famous chess player and composer of classical music, Francois Andre Philidor

Quotes about chess

1. ” One of the greatest advantages of chess over other sports is that you can always resign.” –  Joe Gallagher

     And also one of the greatest disadvantages, since often you refuse to resign and continue to suffer only to realize that it was all in vain in the end.

2. ” I prefer to lose a really good game than to win a bad one.” –  David Levy

    I personally prefer to win a really good game than to lose a bad one, but what do I know..

3. ” You cannot play at Chess if you are kind-hearted.” – French proverb

4. ” One who has never seen a game of chess is, in my opinion, an unhappy person.” –  Anatoly Karpov

Slikovni rezultat za blind chess player
Technically, this guys hasn’t SEEN a game.. Yes yes I know I will burn in hell for this one. On the other hand this photo proves that in chess, there are no boundaries whatsoever

5. “ Chess, like love, like music, has the power to make people happy ”- Siegbert Tarrasch

         Unless we are talking about Nicki Minaj’s musical escapades, which make me as happy as encountering the London System with the Black pieces.

Quotes about chess players

1. “ Mistrust is the most necessary characteristic of the Chess player ” – Siegbert Tarrasch

2. “No Chess Grandmaster is normal; they only differ in the extent of their madness” – Viktor Korchnoi

3. ” There should be as many world champions as there are players, because every chess player lives in his own world.” –  Elliott Winslow

              The following Masterclass from the Planet Chucky is tightly connected with the previous two quotes. I can’t recommend it highly enough.

ivanchuk

4. ” It is not enough to be a good player.. you must also play well” – Siegbert Tarrasch

5. “A good player is always lucky” – Jose Raul Capablanca

         The famous clash between Hikaru Nakamura and Magnus Carlsen is the best evidence (you might remember it from our greatest chess blunders post).

Quotes about chess strategy and thinking process

1. ” In order to avoid playing the opening theory, you need to study A LOT of opening theory. ” –  Peter Svidler

       This very insightful remark was a response to the question regarding Magnus Carlsen’s avoidance of main theoretical lines.

2. “The most powerful weapon in chess is to have the next move.” – David Bronstein

3. “When you see a good move, look for a better one.” – Emanuel Lasker

     This quote is rather famous, but also slightly double edged. Whereas it containts the fundamental principle of not hurrying, sometimes looking for a more brilliant win can backfire.

Lasker

4. ” The winner of the game is the player who makes the next-to-last mistake ” – Savielly Tartakower

5. ” Play the opening like a book, the middle game like a magician, and the endgame like a machine.” – Rudolf Spielmann

6. ” A player surprised is half beaten.” – Proverb

7. “The hardest game to win is a won game” – Emanuel Lasker

    The number of blunders commited by very strong players in winning positions is simply astounding.

8. “One doesn’t have to play well. It’s enough to play better than your opponent. ” – Siegbert Tarrasch

9. “In blitz, the Knight is stronger than the Bishop” – Vlastimil Hort

10. ” No one ever won a game by resigning.” – Saviely Tartakower

    Another entertaining quote regarding resignation in chess. It often occurs either too early, or too late. But as Tartakower wittily observed, you can gain much more if you chose the latter.

Motivational and “deep” chess quotes

1. ” My greatest talent is hard work.” –  Garry Kasparov

2. “If you want to succeed, you must brave the risk of failure.” – Garry Kasparov

Kasparov_captcha

3. ” The single most important thing in life is to believe in yourself regardless of what everyone else says.” – Hikaru Nakamura

4. ” Fickle fortune rules in chess, though is this true only of chess.” –  Alexander Kotov

5. “ Avoid the crowd. Do your own thinking independently. Be the Chess player, not the Chess piece ” – Ralph Charell

   I think this is getting even more important today when we are getting bombarded by information from all sides.

   Incidentally, sixth World Champion Botvinnik said something similar: ” I don’t give a damn about the opinion of majority. I’m used to thinking with my own head.” 

Standing out

6. ” Many have become Chess Masters, no one has become the Master of Chess.” – Siegbert Tarrasch

7. ” Those who say they understand Chess, understand nothing ” – Robert Hubner

        In chess, as in life, there is something new to be learnt every day.

8. ” Chess is my life, but my life is not chess.” – Anatoly Karpov

    Very elegant. I am surprised this one hasn’t gained much more recognition.

Funny and amusing chess quotes

1. “Chess is a foolish expedient for making idle people believe they are doing something very clever, when they are only wasting their time.” – George Bernard Shaw

        Touche. No argument there.

2. “Marriage is like a game of chess except the board is flowing water, the pieces are made of smoke and no move you make will have any effect on the outcome. ” – Jerry Seinfeld

3. “Marriage is like taking a pawn on b2 in the Sicilian Najdorf. ” –  Vassily Ivanchuk

Another brilliancy by the good old Chucky.

The good old Chucky and his “poisoned pawn”

4. ” I prefer to be called an ex World Champion. It’s the only title they can’t take away.” – Tigran Petrosian

5. ” If you play the Caro-Kann when you’re young, what are you going to play when you’re older.” – Bent Larsen

My guess would be the English opening or the afore mentioned London System.

6. ” Some sacrifices are sound; the rest are mine” – Mikhail Tal

7. “A Chess game is divided into three stages: the first, when you hope you have the advantage, the second when you believe you have an advantage, and the third… when you know you’re going to lose!” – Savielly Tartakower

8. ” I have never beaten a healthy opponent.” – Henry Edward Bird 

        Applicable in different areas of human engagement. I don’t remember the last time I didn’t have a reliable excuse after losing.

9. “ Winning isn’t everything… but losing is nothing ” –  Edmar Mednis

10. “ The tactician must know what to do whenever something needs doing; the strategist must know what to do when nothing needs doing ” – Savielly Tartakower

tartakower
The champion of the “funny and amusing chess quotes”, Russian master Saviely Tartakower

12. “ A man that will take back a move at Chess will pick a pocket ” – Richard Fenton

          A friend of mine recently used slightly different analogy with the same point. He said that : “People who don’t help you during the exam in high school are the very same people who don’t warn you about the police by flashing their lights when they are driving in the different direction.” 

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