Disclaimer: All remarks and stereotypes about Christmas, chess players and women were made half-jokingly. For entertainment and laughter purposes.
The author is a chess player himself.
It was not our intention to offend anyone.
Disclaimer2: The following article contains several affiliate links to Amazon.com, meaning that if you go to Amazon and buy the recommended product (or some other product in an allotted period of time), the author of these lines will get a commission % from the purchase
It is that time of the year again.
When streets get overdecorated, overcrowded and too cold for anyone to leave the house and enjoy it.
When radio stations smother us with Mariah Carey, Chris Rea and Wham songs! When TV stations repeat the Home Alone movie for the 213432th time.
When we spend two weeks hanging out with our family and stuffing ourselves with food only to regret it and make a radical „I-am-going-to-a-gym-and-losing-weight New Year’s Eve decision“ at the end of it.
Also known as Christmas time!
As the reader might have figured out by now, I am not a big fan. And I haven’t yet mentioned the worst thing: the realization that we don’t really know people around us that well. The realization we don’t have the slightest idea what to put under the tree for them. The realization we have to spend a big amount of time, money and nerves to get them a present.
Buying presents for ordinary people is difficult enough. But buying them for those nerds who think they are incredibly smart – who call themselves chess players – is a nightmare.
I mean, what can you get for someone who spends their whole days in front of their computer screen flagging opponents on Lichess? Who is not interested for anything else apart from studying open and closed pawn structures and 65 moves of the Najdorf Sicilian? Who thinks receiving a gift is when your opponent overlooks a knight fork that wins their queen?
There’s a limit to how many times you can get them a brand new chess clock or a brand new chess set. And don’t they already own every chess book that has ever been written. What is there to do?
Well, don’t despair. We have previously assembled a list of 10 gift ideas for chess players. In this article, we will extend that and make another list with 14 creative gifts you can get for your favourite woodpusher.
Hope you will find it useful.
Merry Christmas, you filthy animals!
Oh Yeah Men’s Funny Chess Socks
In the first book about the Boy-Who-Lived, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone, the following conversation between Harry and Dumbledore, regarding the Mirror of Erised – a mirror that shows the deepest wishes of our heart – takes place:
“Professor Dumbledore. Can I ask you something?”
“Obviously, you’ve just done so,” Dumbledore smiled. “You may ask me one more thing, however.”
“What do you see when you look in the mirror?”
“I? I see myself holding a pair of thick, woolen socks.”
Of course, Dumbledore wasn’t telling the truth. But we can learn something from his witty remark. One never has enough socks. Especially during cold December nights. Getting a pair of socks with a chess motif is bound to cheer up a chess player even if he recently lost a game.
P.S. If you think yellow is too girly, you can always consider getting the black and white version instead.
Chess Tie
Nowadays, more and more chess tournaments introduce a formal dress code. It is a huge problem for chess players. Most of them don’t follow fashion. And don’t have a style.
Fortunately, for every problem, there is a solution. If you want to help a fellow chess player look sharp and get him something he might like, a chess tie might be a good choice.
A word of caution is required, though. Please make sure the chess player in question is not a follower of the „NO DRAW“ policy.
Because they would never like a tie.
Chess Cufflinks
A famous fashion quote states that:
„A trinket is what separates boys from men“
Okay, I might have just invented that. But after the socks and the tie, getting a chess trinket should be your final step on the path toward chess modeling.
These cufflinks might be an ideal choice. Not only are they beautiful and affordable. But a chess player can also execute everyone’s favourite chess tactical element with them.
He can PIN them.
Chess Solitaire
Chess players usually don’t have the need to play other games. Why would they waste time with something as primitive as checkers? Or something exotic and oriental as Go? Or Shogi – a cheap Chinese replica of our perfect game?
Even so – there is an exception to every rule. Sometimes it is useful to take your mind for chess and indulge in a game for the masses. Especially if it is somehow connected to chess.
This chess solitaire combines the rules of the peg solitaire and chess. It is an ideal present for the members of the younger generation.
Members you’d like to hook on chess in a fun and engaging manner.
Chess Rook Piggy Bank
It is well known pursuing chess as a career is difficult. A common notion is that chess players are poor. It has something to do with the fact it is difficult to win prize money in tournaments. But it also has something to do with the fact chess players handle their finances like they handle their losses.
Not very well.
If you wish to come to the rescue, you might consider buying a chess rook piggy bank for a fellow chess player. Then you can tell him he has to put a penny for every blunder he commits. After some time, he should have a whole lot of pennies.
I guess you could say it protects him against being … brooke.
I will show myself out.
Chess Bookend
Have I mentioned already that chess players own too many chess books they don’t have time to read? Let me also point out that they usually own physical copies, because reading chess books in digital format is difficult and probably useless.
Chess players are also often disorganized and untidy. Due to all that, they often have trouble with books falling off their shelves.
That’s where these chess bookends come in handy. They held everything in order. And they might motivate the chess player to pick up a chess book and actually read it.
Instead of wasting time playing blitz chess online.
Lunarable Board Game Apron
An ideal gift to buy if you are a misogynist. And if you intend to buy it for a female chess player. As scarce as they are.
It has a dual functionality. When you hand it over, you can first say that it will help her stay in the kitchen, where she belongs. Then, if she objects, you can use the eternal “But women can’t play chess anyway” argument.
(Before you start chastising me because I am not funny and am insulting women, please read the following interview with Tijana Blagojevic in which we talked in great detail about women in chess and in which I expressed my opinion about the problems and difficulties women face)
Chess Salt and Pepper Shakers
Since we have already mentioned kitchen–
Everybody knows there is nothing worse than unsalted and insufficiently peppered food. Especially when you are a chess player attending a tournament. After a 6-hour long battle at the board, there is only one way you can stop being hangry.
Chess salt and pepper shakers solve this problem effectively. Everybody will look at you weirdly if you take regular shakers in a fancy restaurant. Nobody will look at you weirdly if you take chess shakers during a chess tournament.
Besides, there is another benefit they provide chess players with.
They also help to make them even more salty.
Kidac Wine Stoppers Novelty Chess Bottle Set
Once you ate salty and peppered food, you will be thirsty. Everybody who has ever visited a chess tournament in Croatia knows how much alcohol chess players can drink. Every chess club in Croatia has at least one story about one of the members getting wasted beforehand and then winning an official game.
As mentioned above, chess players are also rather poor. Which means they can’t afford bottles of fine wine on a regular basis. Therefore, once they DO get one, it would be a pity to drink it all at once.
This is where a Wine Stoppers Chess Set comes in handy. It allows the player to preserve the leftovers before putting them in the refrigerator.
And you can also use them as a substitute if a piece from your set ever goes missing.
Chess Christmas Ornament
Decorating a Christmas tree is the most typical Christmas tradition.
And also the most competitive one. If you have zero ambition to have the most beautifully decorated Christmas tree in your neighbourhood, you might as well not celebrate Christmas.
With the help of these beautiful Chess Christmas Ornament, you may finally succeed in making your neighbours jealous.
And having the nerdiest Christmas Decorations at the same time.
What more can a chess player want?
Black King White Queen Chess Pieces Pillow Case
This simple but affordable chess pillowcase is another good gift idea for a chess player. It may help him sleep better after a dramatic game he lost. Or an overly extended online blitz session.
There is only one exception. It is not a great gift for World Champions. They apparently don’t have trouble sleeping.
Even during the game.
Creative Art Fantasy Chess Shower Curtain
Chess tournament halls are probably the smelliest places I have ever had the misfortune to spend my time in. It is not uncommon to feel an unpleasant scent, especially during hot summer months.
If your fellow chess player fits the description, you might consider getting him this chess shower curtain. Even if they don’t get the hint, you may tactfully try to tell him he might sometimes use it.
I may sound arrogant, but let’s be frank – many chess players are painfully neglecting their personal hygiene.
Skyline New York Chess Set
In the introduction to this article, I wrote that chess sets are not the most creative chess gift ever. Being a fraud and the flagger I am, I naturally decided to include a chess set on this list (Remember kids – never trust someone who flags in rook vs rook positions).
However, I have a good reason for that. Only recently did I get acquainted with the Skyline Chess, a company which crafts specialized chess sets based on iconic city skylines. They currently have London, New York and San Francisco chess sets.
Out of the three, I liked the New York one the most. At least more than London.
I hate the London System.
Frenchi Home Furnishing Chess Table
Even though chess is played mainly over the Internet today, many chess player stil like real life encounters. There is something appealing and romantic in touching the pieces or seeing your opponent completely lost with your own eyes.
The basic requirements for real-life games are a chess clock and a chess set. However, for the full experience, a chess table is an ideal gift. This Frenchy Chess Table has an elegant design and two drawers for piece storage. It allows a fellow chess player to invite a friend over for a couple of games, wine and cigar.
Or at least it would have allowed.
If chess players had any friends.